MikeSpeaksOut!

It all comes down to Chairs, Chicken Wings, and "Mr. T"... etc.

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As I spent the summer looking forward to my 17th year of teaching..YES...17...i looked forward to getting back to what would be an AWESOME year.  I was slated to teach inclusion Integrated Science and Inclusion Biology!  Inclusion is where a special education teacher (me) goes into a classroom with a regular education teacher and supports the learning of all students.  Further, I thought i would be with my really good friend, Pam.  She and I had taught the previous two years together and really had developed a close relationship -- and a rhythm together when we taught that would rival most gymnasts!

THEN...WHAMMO!  I get a text (while i was driving through SC).  "All your classes have been changed..you are not teaching with Pam..more info later".  I was so stunned I had to pull over and call the sender. THAT MOMENT was CHICKEN CHANGE (I don't know what that means -- but my mom used to say it) compared to what has happened since.

IN GOOD NEWS...I spent two weeks with my parents at our cabin in north Georgia....had a great time!  

NOW ON WITH THE SHOW!  

Since I have returned i learned that we would teach from a pre-set calendar, be required to use pre-set lessons (they say it's optional -- but I wasn't raised in a barn) and people who were supposed to be helpful -- aren't.  SO...for brevity..becasue i plan on blogging later about cool things....here goes...

CHAIRS:  We were told that we could not sit down during our class.  This has become a very interesting idea since we were: (1) forced into a 90 minute block; (2) forced to teach 1 extra period a day; and (3) ARE HUMAN.  In the words of "those above"  "Walk like the shark around the room...in and out the rows...like a shark".  Ummm... Okay...when you get out of your office...I'm out of the chair for the few minutes I can be in it.  A teacher was reprimanded for sitting down while she was doing a computer simulation for her students ... on the computer...what...should she hover?

CHICKEN WINGS:  Thank goodness for "9th and 10th hours" (we have a new forced block schedule...1, 3, 5, 7 or 2, 4, 6, 8)....OKAY..that's code for HAPPY HOUR!!  I have never seen the local watering hole (which serves GREAT chicken wings so crowded every Friday....We all have 'cards" which earn us points for each purchase.  Happy hour is from 4 to 7 and if you order the big mug instead of two smaller (for the 2-4-1) you actually get 2 oz more beer..the waiter told us that!

MR. T.:  I feel like some of the people who are supposed to help us feel that they are "Mr. T."...they try to catch us doing wrong at all times.....you know "I pity the fool who isn't ______________ (fill in the blank).

ETC:  Five teachers were "involuntarily transferred" to other schools.....no notice....no nothing.  They were told "you are not needed here..you need to go elsewhere" (I paraphrase).  While I know that most of these individuals probably will do better elsewhere.  i leave you with my FB/Twitter post:  "It's okay to do the right thing...just do it the right way...especially when dealing with people's livelihood!

I would love to tell the story of the "Chair Rebellion" .. but that is still in progress!

I LOVE THE FREAGIN OLYMPICS!

I have to tell you.   I LOVE THE OLYMPICS...and I LOVE MICHAEL PHELPS!  Yes, I know it sounds wierd.....gay man....loves sports.  Now, I have to admit....my boyfriend, Michael Phelps (I wish) is a beautiful drink o' water....But I truly love what he stands for.  AMERICAN EXCELLENCE!  This young man has dedicated his life to his passion -- swimming.  

He won another GOLD not too long ago.  He deserves it. Now....on to my title.  My neighbor said, "Wait, you actually watch the olympics?"  HELL YES I WATCH THE OLYMPICS!

I am dedicated, committed....and I love the USA.  Love women's beach volleyall...Love Team USA's win over the French last night in the 400 IM (those smarmy bastards!  Never say you are going to crush the US......we always have to rescue you in times of crisis!!!

GO USA!  

PrideFest 2K8 ~ 15 Years

It's hard to believe that another PrideFest is here. Unlike many other Gaymmunities, we celebrate Pride in the month of March...YES, March. If we celebrated it during the summer months, there would be people collapsing let and right because of the heat. We celebrate a major milestone this year. Compass, Palm Beach County's Gay and Lesbian Community Center (of which I am a board member) is celebrating 25 years of serving our community and 15 years of Pride...we started off very small..but now host well over 10,000 individuals to our Pride. As the largest GLCC in the south and the 5th largest in the nation....I am sooo proud of all we have accomplished. In conjunction with Pride, we are giving tours of what will be our new facility -- which will double our floor space and allow us to serve more and more individuals. We will also serve as a disaster relief facility if (God forbid) we have the need to.

Again this year I am in charge of the parade. Nothing like trying to get "the gays" ready to do a parade. This gives "gay standard time" (GST) a whole new meaning....but the parade will (and always does) go off on time.

Today is also a somber day. This will be my first Pride without "LaLa". As I blogged earlier, Michael "La La" Brown was tragically killed...about a week and a half ago. I saw some employees of his at Pride yesterday. They assured me they would march in the parade. A special panel is at Pride so that we can all say our goodbye to this great man. We are hosting a "Celebration of Life" ceremony at the conclusion of the festival. Please read this great article.

Look down on us from heaven, La La. Pride is in Season.....and you had a lot to do with where we are today! As we unfold the quilt panels today, we honor all you did for us!

My Lot In Life

You know, I have never understood how people expect a smile on my face 24/7.  In the past 3 days, I have had to expalain to doctors and nurses what "happened" to me.  Quite honestly ,it's embarassing. The thought of being attacked to me is barbarick (sp?).  Yet, my life had to go on.  I had to "cut' a psycho person who wanted to date me -- yet, he was taking me down a very bad road......no details..just trust me..I carry the shame on my own shoulders.

This week is PrideFest in Palm Beach.  For the past five years, I have done the parade.  I have been told this year that "it would be great if you could assist".  Okay.

I have problems breathing.  I went to get x-rays yesterday.  My life has come to a screaching hault.  I am "Michael from Compass" who is always positive.  Afterall, the police saw it as "Public Drunkenes"...you can punch someone in the face over and over...and get away with it.  I had drinks that night...I have been told, if I had not drank, I would have been better off....Hmm...Maybe it's called "Drunk vs. Drunk"....but the difference is that I had never met him and was never mean to him.

I will pull myself together.  But, honestly, I want to cry.  I feel like a loser.  I gave a "psycho" a cut....knowing darn well that I will always be single.....Oh well.  I will play my roll.  I will "suck it up".  Afterall, it's better that way.

I have 2 weeks to re-write my dissertation proposal.....I will make that my life....and for the months after that ... well...you can guess.

This Saturday / Sunday I will be all smiles.  Afterall, I am an ACtor.  Well, even if I can't get cast lately.

After that it will be SunFest...then comes camp.....Everything is good!

A Picture is Worth....

Hmmmmmmm.

I was taken aback the other day when I heard that Heather Mills, soon to be ex-wife of Paul McCartney was going to be on Dancing with the Stars.  Somewhere in the back of my mind, I remembered that she only had one leg. 

Look, I have no problem with people with one leg.  Afterall, Iam a special education teacher.  But my idea of even having a prosthesis (replacement leg) was that they don't have much range of motion...and I thought they were kind of rigid.  So, I commented to my colleagues, "I wonder how she is going to do it.".

I support her in her efforts.  Heck, it may have an inspirational value to people everywhere. 

But, today on one of my favorite "guilty pleasure" sites, TMZ, there was this picture.  Here is Ms. Mills entering her dance studio for rehearsals.  In tow with her.....errr.....extra leg ???

Read the article (entitled "Heather gets a leg up on the competition")  here.

Someone Call Homeland Security!

I have been known to be tempermental from time-to-time. ((No Comments from People in Atlanta)).

I was sooooo anticipating this long three-day weekend.  It's currently "FCAT" (high-stakes testing) season.  We focus on nothing but the test..nothing but the test...nothing but the test!  I have been a little stressed.  Who wouldn't?  I am teaching two Intensive Reading classes (for little over three weeks now) -- which is something that I am not qualified to teach.  I am not teaching my (former) students..which irritates me since my salary is based on how well they perform on the test.  Not to worry.  I have already made it known that if I don't get a raise I am filing a grievance with the union.

So...let me get to the point.  It was Wednesday. I had been fuming all week. By Wednesday, I had written eight discipline referrals -- more than I usually will write in a year.  it had gotten to the point that I was just itching to write the next one.  Somewhat like a poor discipline asassin.  Thursday came...and I had had it!  My reading kids were arguing with me because they didn't want to read the novel "Holes".  They told me.."Why are we reading this when we can watch the movie."  They added, "Why are we writing these essays when it is not the 11th grade (re-take) examination.....um....BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW TO WRITE! 

When I arrived in the morning...I saw the novels sitting on my cart -- OH yes...I have 4 different classrooms on 4 different floors in 3 different buildings -- I am a freaking professional bag lady.  SO..I SNAPPED!  I took the books, shouted a few profane (maybe more than a few) words...and threw the books across the planning rooms.  Then I exclaimed "F#ck It!"  Oh..I forgot to mention that the day before my 3rd period class (which is usually my best) decided to lose their collective minds.  they tried to pull the "power play" and not work.  I gave them all F's....and then proclaimed, "If you dont' care...I don't care"...I am going to eat my cheetos!  (I didn't have any at the time so I had to go to the closet and get some).  They later begged me to teach again.

Long story (not) short...I called in sick Friday and made it a four day weekend!

When Harry Found Hotness!

You know, I make no bones about the fact that I believe that the Harry Potter  books are the one of the best series of books ever written! For me, the writing of JK Rowling is perfect.  She has truly captured the imagination of children of all ages.  The cast has done a great job at bringing the books to life!  I remember telling my students the other day that when I saw the first Harry Potter movie (which was after I had read the first three books) I was truly amazed at how well the characters fit the descriptions given in the book.  IT WAS AMAZING!  Daniel Radcliffe did an outstanding job at truly capturing "everything Harry". 

It seems that we have all seen the characters grow -- both in their parts...and as individuals!  As they age, I hope that they can "hold on" long enough to finish the series.  Some are venturing out to start some project in between filmings.  None has done more of a 360 from their HP roll than Daniel......He is staring in Equus in London's West End.  It's a true .... well....you see.

Ummm....a 24 pack?  The directors of the stage show stated that they were "amazed" at how quickly Daniel transformed his body......I want his secrets.  I love my Harry Potter.....but....Daniel will do just fine!  Yee haw!  I am getting a horse!

Will I Lose My Dignity?

Sometimes I feel like Marvin the Martian.  I always feel that someone knows something that I don't.  Is doing something that I am not.  Has leared something that haven't.  Has experienced something that I won't.

Look, let's be honest.  If I were to list the positive and negative aspects of my life, the list would be pretty much even.  I have travelled the world.  I have had some experiences that others never will have.  Among the experiences I cherish the most have been going to South America with my friend Dean.  It was New Years Eve and we had a great time. Great food.  I have been to China -- it was great walking the Great Wall.  I've been to Thailand--great food and beautiful orchids.  Hong Kong was fun--I was there when HK was "turned over" from the British back to the Chinese.  The cruise through HK Harbour was awesome.  My last big trip was to Germay, Poland, and Prague.  I went with a group of teachers to study the Holocaust.  I learned a lot, cried a lot...I was changed.

With all this "greatness"  I have spent my entire life feeling I have been "on the run". Doing, Doing, Doing.  The only boyfriend I had for any period of time (I think it may have been a few weeks) stated, "You never have time."  What he doesn't understand is that it is EXTREMELY difficult to change a "system that has worked." ....or maybe it hasn't.

I didnt' "come out" to my family util two our so years ago.  On the "brink of suicide", I decided I would either do it or do "it".  I chose the former.  My parents don't talk about "it"..but they aren't also like many parents who have left their children in the cold.

For many people, Elton John was the first "gay" they knew.  As an aside, maybe that's why I listened to him so much growing up -- his album was the first record purchase I ever made (yes, I bought vinyl).  My life is not the "Elton John" Lifestyle.  Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with being gay.  I have learned that it is what it is.  It is not the major defining characteristic of me (I am a teacher, I'm a volunteer, I would do anything for anyone)....but it IS.

Many think that being gay is one long "Mardi Gras".  Trust me, it isn't.  There is definately a need for people to dispell the misconception of "gayness".  I joined the 5th Largest Gay and Lesbian Community Center in the Nation as a Trustee almost 4 years ago.  On the outside, I am the "gay warrior"...I meet, I greet, I smile....I even joke.  Maybe I am the life of the party.  I think I make a difference, but sometimes I am not so sure.

CASE IN POINT:

No, I am not in the military.  I have long been against the "Don't Don't Tell" (Don't Pursue) Policy....In fact, I think it is one of the very few major disasters of the Clinton Administration....and I love Bill Clinton.

I met someone who was in the military.  I found this out after we had been talking for a while.  This person is really cool.  Trust me, there was NOTHING there  as far as attraction (believe it or not "the gays" really don't "recruit"...no, really).  A few days ago an incident happened in which this person misconceived a gesture.  Now I feel a friendship is ruined and I really don't know what happened.  It makes me wonder.....is this internalized homophobia present in all people (including gays) so strong that when "push comes to shove" person who are gay are seen as nothing more than degenerates?  As an aside...I was talking to another friend...who knows this person too.  Their comment was, "Well, Mikey, would this have happened to you if you weren't gay?"  It was nothing more than a simple "tap" or two while I was laughing at a movie (Borat is really funny)....I meant nothing. I do it with all my friends.....

In the end, I realized that I broke my own "rules of engagement".  I made it a point a LOOOOONG time ago to NOT go out with people I work with.....I held that standard for 12 years....I broke it....Now I pay the consequences. 

I will "withdraw" myself from this situation and go back to my Standard Operating Procedures.

I guess,in the end, I will be alone, depressed....and single.

It seems to me, sometimes, that my iife imitates art.  As I (re- re- re- re- re- re- re- re- re-) watched the Musical Rent today, the words of my favorite song contributed to an "Ah - Ha" moment for me....they were singing how I feel!  The words to "Will I?" are, "Will I lose my dignity?  Will someone care?  Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?"  The song is done a-la-rondo (think of Row Row Row Your Boat with three groups starting at different times.)  I hear that song in my brain over-and-over!  Maybe it's my theme song.....minus others to sing it with me.

 

What you think about the "lifestyle" now?

Next Post "Nothing Runs Like a Queer".....and it's not a positive one.

A Diversion...

FIRST.  I mean no disrespect to those who died on September 11, 2001 and their families.  My post yesterday was heart-felt....But, I believe that the media -- who never really focuses on what is wrong in America will use this week to, as someone said on the radio, "Engorge themselves".  We never really want to focus on our real problems.  The war in Iraq, our soldiers not having the things they need, a President who lies...etc.....BUT..Out of respect, there will be no more talk about that today.

I am doing anything possible (so I lied) to not watch George Bush use tonight as a way of justifying himself and his policies....SO....I am posting this post.

To the left you see BEAUTIFUL Lance and his beau (is it Reichen??).  I am SOOOO GLAD that Lance is finally happy.  I mean that truly.   All too often, people live their lives by the rules of others.  GLBT persons are no different.  I spent most of my life worrying about what my family would think about my being gay....In the end.....I ended up being lonely.  I spent my life not dating....and keeping up a facade.  I don't begrudge anyone hapiness. GOOD FOR LANCE!  This picture is priceless....Look at the joy on their faces.....I want this some day!

So....I have loved rugby for some time.  I may have written about it this summer...I am not sure....I saw a "gay" rugby team  on TV this summer.  It was cool!  What a GREAT way to break stereotypes.  I also want to go on the record as saying.....GAY PEOPLE DO WATCH SPORTS!  I am a huge Florida State University Fan (as you may have figured out).  While I hate professional football...mainly because I think that they do it for the money and NOT the love of the sport....I also like watching Marlins baseball (in person -- I like being at the stadium drinking beer and eating peanuts).  I also love ice hockey.....I love putting on a sweater and going to the game for a cold beer.  I also like the brutality of it all.  WELL....an Aussie friend of mine is going to introduce me to "Australian Rules Football".  I have had a crush on him....so....hmm...it can be something we can do together....The teacher becomes the student!  This is his favorite team, the Essedon Football Club.  See also the Australian Football League web page.

Last night I spent the night in the top floor, corner room (on the concierge level) at the Hilton Singer Island.  The ocean was beautiful in the moonlight!  While I had planned to get away to a hotel on my own......I didn't pay for the room this night.......And that, is all I am saying about that.  Forgive me father.......for I have sinned.  Again.  In the immortal words of Rob Base and DJ Easy Rock....It takes to make a thing go right...It takes three.....to................

Tonight I am watching "Hello, Dolly!".  I was in the play...and when I want to cheer myself up...there's nothing like Babs (Streisand) to help.  You know, "Out there!  There's a world outside of Yonkers!"

My Life as An Amoeba!

When you spend most of your life single....and in the closet....become very self-sufficent....and at times, lonely. An amoeba (in case you weren't a science teacher) is a single-celled organism. It self-replicates.....but spends its life alone....like me.

Being a single, gay male is not easy.....and let's face it, I am not getting any younger (not that I am old...Not that I am old). I met this guy last week at the Stonewall Ball. He seems kinda nice. We've gone out a few times. It's been difficult for me.

Difficult? You ask. Well, I am not a "seasoned" dater. I didn't even come out until a few years ago. I didn't even date women......wow...I suck. I think (no, I know) that people learn how to "date" by doing. Young people go through the "ins and outs" of dating others thorugh a period of time -- I didn't have that opportunity.

I'm also a very shy person in my personal life. Assertive as a teacher....assertive when I have to be....but not so much when it comes to dating. Couple that with the fact that I am very private (I enjoy my personal time)....I guess I am a real mess.

I can always find negatives in myself......I have also developed the ability to find them in others. I'm going to try to give this guy a try....Hopefully he will give me a try too.

In the immortal words on Moulin Rouge..."Come what may....come what may".